I was watching a YouTube video about the Google Duplex, an artificial intelligence (AI) assistant, that can make phone calls and converse with real people to set up appointments and reservations. The assistant is smart enough to understand the nuances of language. It can even use “mm-hmm” and other speech quirks to make conversations more human-like.
The Google Duplex demonstration made me wonder, “Why isn’t Google or Facebook in the online dating space creating AI-based matchmaking assistants?” These companies already have enough information about every internet citizen. If they can match you with your favorite music or art, they definitely can develop the AI technology to match you with the right partner. The role will be a lot like the “matchmaking aunt” in arranged marriage societies.
A simple Google search shows that Tinder is already preparing for AI-based matchmaking. However, Google or Facebook would be better at it. These companies have more personal information about our preferences. It can leverage this information to create AI-based matchmaking assistants who will simplify your love life.
Understanding Arranged Marriages
I am from Bangladesh. So I am still connected to a culture where arranged marriages are part of the fabric of life.
From a western perspective, it seems like an archaic practice. I can’t vouch for the whole of Bangladeshi society as I come from an upper-middle-class family, but from my experience of observing arranged marriages in the middle-class families, the process isn’t as oppressive as portrayed in western conversations.
In the educated and well-to-do families of Bangladesh, an arranged marriage is a choice and a social insurance policy. If you find someone, you can get married to that person. If you don’t have anyone, you can choose an arranged marriage.
In the arranged marriages, the matchmakers are important. In every family, there are a few over-enthusiastic aunts who take over these roles. There are professional matchmakers too. But I don’t have much information about those institutions. So I will stick to the boisterous and enthusiastic aunts.
The match-making aunts are part sales-woman, part therapist, and part deal-maker. Generally, they know the ins and outs of all the families involved. They leverage this knowledge to organize matches.
Western Dating: An Individual and Lonely Path
If you look at the American dating sphere, young people go out on dates from an early age to learn about navigating the romantic world. From their own experience, they try to figure out the right person for themselves. It’s an individual experience.
Young men and women in the western dating scene have to resolve contradictions like:
• “Opposites attract” VS. “Date people with common interests”
• “Never settle” VS. “Don’t be too picky”
• “Play hard to get” VS. “Make the first move”
• “Be upfront about who you are” VS. “Hold back your baggage”
These aren’t easy decisions to make on your own. Initially, you might try to understand and figure out things logically. But the rules are too complicated. So most people give up and try to use their gut feeling or intuition.
The arranged marriage matchmakers have to deal with similar problems. For example, the “opposites attract” vs “common interest” contradiction is also an arranged marriage problem. Here’s how the matchmakers resolve the issue.
When making a match, the socio-economic statuses of the potential brides and grooms are considered. This sets up the common interests between the potential matches. At the same time, you’ll hear matchmakers make comments like “She has a short fuse, we need an empathic husband for her.” Or “He’s not that ambitious, we need a strong woman to get him going.” So the matchmaking aunts are accounting for both common and complementary traits. I am simplifying the process. Generally, the discussions are more nuanced.
When I observe the friends who have arranged marriages, it doesn’t seem they are any happier or unhappier than traditional American marriages. There are couples who are ecstatically in love and there are couples who fight with each other all the time.
Recently, I have observed another thing. The matchmakers are quite good at matching the attractiveness level of the couples. You can just google search marriage photos of Bangladeshi, Pakistani or Indian marriages and judge for yourself. The matchmaking aunts are quite aware of how to pair up couples according to their attractiveness.
Online Dating Dilemmas
A big problem of the American or western dating game is that the sheer amount of time dating takes up. Dating in the western world is like searching for a job with higher stakes for your life. The high expectations, the rejections, and the misunderstandings come with the territory.
In the past, the dating games in western societies were played out in local communities with limited choices. It provided less complicated decisions. Today dating sites provide endless choices with better alternatives with every click and swipe. It makes the decisions harder than ever before. Both men and women are spending an enormous amount of time trying to understand the new rules and trying to play the game.
Whenever a technology starts becoming a problem, a new technology or idea has to come along and help. The invention of the Gutenberg press created the need for indexes that you see in the back of the books. There was too much text to go through. The World Wide Web created the need for search engines. There was too much information to go through. The dating websites have created the need for matchmakers. There are too many dating choices to weed through.
AI-Based Matchmaking Aunt
In the next few years, I think there will be no need to second guess your online matches anymore. AI-based matchmaking assistants will find dating prospects according to your socio-economic background, education, attractiveness, and other parameters. It will provide you a partner who will have traits to complement your weaknesses.
So if you’re single: don’t settle, wait for the AI-based algorithms to work out the kinks, then don’t be too picky and enjoy the western version of arranged marriages. You are about to get the luxury of a matchmaking aunt who is better at choosing your life partner than you.
Update: It seems Facebook is already building a dating app.
Tags: Arranged Marriage, Future Technology
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